Cherlee no Haato

Gue pernah nulis di suatu tempat, sepertinya di blog ini, bahwa temperamen melankolis adalah yang paling kaya dalam hal sifat, tapi juga paling menyebalkan. And I believe that my dominant temperament is melancholic. That makes me strongly intuitive, but strongly annoying. Kenapa gue bisa bilang annoying? Well, gue udah memperhatikan berbagai makhluk yang punya temperamen sama kayak gue, dan jujur aja, gue kagak suka semuanya ^o^ Termasuk gue ngga suka sama diri gue walo gue tau gue ngga bisa bertahan kalo gue ngga suka sama diri gue sendiri.

Seorang dosen senior Binus pernah memuji gue untuk "extraordinarily expressive speech" pada suatu kesempatan debat gender yang ngga ada abisnya walopun gue ngga tau dari mana dia menilai. Gue sendiri menilai diri gue nyolot waktu itu. Huehehe.. Well, anyway, as then I realized, gue selalu berbicara sesuai dengan perasaan saat itu. Kalo gue males, ya gue ngomong males-malesan. Tapi kalo gue semangat, gue ngomongnya semangat. Kalo gue lagi pengen nyolotin, gue bener-bener nyolot. Kalo gue lagi bethe, ini bisa jadi masalah karena orang sering salah kaprah gue marah sama dia walopun sebenernya gue cuma sekedar cerita.

And when I feel hated, I will close my heart even more… I’m the type who will run away when I’m hated. I don’t think I’m coward, I just think I deserve a place which accepts me as I am. I don’t have to like them, especially when they don’t like me either. And at the time like this, it’s the most difficult time for me to share anything. A blog is only a medium to which I can talk freely without worrying it will hate me for what I write. Maybe that’s exactly why I’m good at writing, cuz writing is the only way I can express my thought well. Melancholic ones sure have their own ways to express their thoughts regarding inability to express feelings in good verbal words.

I really want to believe what a character said in an anime titled Bleach. Abarai Renji told Kuchiki Rukia to share her burden of thoughts into his shoulder and Kurosaki Ichigo’s shoulder cuz it would lessen Rukia’s burden. How lucky she is to have 2 great boys in her side, so dependable, loyal and strong. But it’s only a story.. ^^ However, I’m easily entertained by good stories cuz it frees my fantasy.